As a woman, you may have surely wondered:
“What do men truly want?”
Here’s an exact list that explains in great detail and insight what most men want women to know.
1. Men need to be respected above all else
The thing that makes a man feel like a man is respect. Whether you are a religious person or not, it is true what the bible says about men and respect. There is a book by Dr. Eggerichs called “Love and Respect” where he goes into detail about the importance of women respecting their man. Respect to a man is like Spinach to Popeye…it gives him strength and almost makes him feel invincible. This is important because there are things that women need men to do but instead of building him up and preparing him for the task, she tears him down and then blames him for not “getting it done.” What does disrespect look like? Questioning everything he does. Criticizing his decisions and motives. There are many more things that communicate disrespect in Dr. Eggerichs’ book.
2. Men are not raised to share feelings
When men are boys they are not socialized to share their emotions and feelings. Boys are made to suppress how they actually feel and pretend that they are tough and do not hurt. I saw a video on social media of a 4 year old boy getting a haircut. I do not know if the child was hurting or not but he was screaming as if it was hurting. His dad was standing there with him, which is good, but what his dad was saying was not good. He told his son, “stop crying…be a man…be tough.” The video actually saddened me because what that father did not realize was that he was telling his 4 year old son that if he wants to be a man then he can’t express what he’s feeling…men don’t cry. He was also telling him that “being tough” means not crying. The thing that children want to do most is be like the adults, so to tell him “be a man” he is going to do what he believes men do…suppress their feelings. As boys, men are raised to “be tough” and to work hard.
3. We can listen but we’d rather fix it
When a woman comes to her man with a problem, most times she is wanting him to simply listen. But men are fixers and problem solvers. They want to fix the problem for their lady. While men have to learn that it’s not always about fixing things, the woman has to understand it’s just the way men are. Every man wants to be the hero. But being the hero sometimes feels like he isn’t listening. That’s not necessarily true. Remember, men are more logical and women are more emotional.
4. Men want to be taken care of
When I tell women that men want to be taken care I have to immediately explain that he is not looking for you to be his mother. There is a difference between being taken care of and being treated like a child. As a matter of fact, treating your husband like your child will have very negative effects for you. However, men do want the nurturing that a mother gives, just not on a “you are helpless and inferior” level.
Believe it or not, men are simple. Taking care of your man looks like this: He is out of clean underwear and you wash for him. He has no ‘decent’ underwear and you buy him more. He has had a long day at work and instead of waiting till he gets home to ask what he wants to eat, you’ve already prepared him something. Basically, taking care of your man means making his life easier. Now some may say, “why do I need to make his life easier?” It’s not really a need, it is a want. But beyond the fact that it will communicate respect and love and care to him, it will make him more like putty in your hands. Of course that is an over simplification because there are always other factors in the relationship that could affect “male putty-ness.” Most women won’t do this for their man because they feel their man doesn’t deserve it. Whether or not that is true, doing this will yield positive results and make him more loving towards you.
But beyond the fact that it will communicate respect and love and care to him, it will make him more like putty in your hands. Of course that is an over simplification because there are always other factors in the relationship that could affect “male putty-ness.” Most women won’t do this for their man because they feel their man doesn’t deserve it. Whether or not that is true, doing this will yield positive results and make him more loving towards you.
5. Men are afraid to be seen as weak
It is interesting how much time we spend trying to convince other people that we are not human. What do I mean by that? I mean that we work overtime to make people believe that we have it all together, that we are not struggling with life and that we have no worries, all of which simply makes us human. Men however experience this at deeper level because we have to wear this “invincible” mask all of the time in order to protect our manhood. From the time we are little boys we are told that we have to be tough. When women think of a man they typically think of super masculine, strong and tough men like Leonidas from the movie 300.
One of my favorite TV shows as a kid was Good Times, which had a strong father figure in James Evans. All men want to be that strong, that sure, that confident and that tough. But what women don’t know is that it is more than just an image we want, it is an image we are afraid not to have. One of the most terrifying things to man is to be seen as weak by his woman. This fear makes men act tougher than they are, more brave than they really are and more confident than they really are, all of which only fuels pride and arrogance. Both pride and arrogance are signs of insecurity.
One of the quickest way to get a man angry to call him weak, sorry, or a wimp. Most women do not know that men walk around with this constant fear their humanity will be seen through their facade of toughness. The truth is, men have fears too. Men are unsure too. Men have insecurities too. What men long for is a place where they can be vulnerable and they want that place to be with their woman. But there are many barriers that prevent this from happening and often times women do not see how they add to the barriers that already exist in society. If you have a man that you love, work on providing him a space where he can be vulnerable and share his fears without being penalized for it.
6. Emasculating your man is probably the worst thing you could ever do
This one builds on the last one. When a woman emasculates a man it is very hard for him to ever forget it or recover from it. He may move on with life and it may look as if all is well in the relationship but I can assure you that is not the case. Men have this thing we call ego and it is very fragile. Because men spend so much time and effort trying to show how manly they are, women are somewhat clueless to how fragile men really are. When you are in the heat of battle, arguing with your man, be careful not to say things you can not take back. That’s good advice for anyone actually.
7. A man needs his wife to be his biggest cheerleader
I am convinced that the reason Barack Obama became the first Black President of the United States is because of Michelle Obama. Behind every strong man is a supportive wife. Men are at their best when they have women in their corners cheering them on to greatness. There is a funny story that has been told regarding the wives of presidents. The President and First lady were out celebrating their anniversary and the waiter who waited on them was an old boyfriend of the First Lady’s. When the First Lady told the President who the guy was he said, “well I bet you are glad you didn’t marry him. You wouldn’t be married to the President of the U.S.” She looked at him and said, “No, if I had married him then HE would have become president.” I often tell women that they do not know the power they possess. Men may be able to move mountains but is it the women who give them the reason and inspiration to do so.
8. Men want to be wanted too
Men are typically seen as the pursuer but once in a relationship the man wants to feel wanted as well. He does not want to always be the one to initiate sex, give surprises or be the one giving the massage. Women sometimes don’t understand the importance of making their man feel like she desires him the same way she wants to feel desired.
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